What temperament does my baby have?

Why does the same sleep training work for one child within three nights, while for another it still does nothing after two weeks? Usually not because the parents do it differently.

Around four months, your baby's personality really comes into bloom, and from then on you can fairly well see who you have at home.

Three types, roughly speaking

The flexible baby. Adapts easily to new situations and surroundings, is fairly predictable in feeding and sleep, and is generally cheerful and easy to comfort. Here you can take steps faster. Often there are fewer tears too, simply because change is accepted more easily.

The slow-to-warm-up baby. Watches from a distance first, is careful and sensitive, and protests against a new approach at first. That's part of it. Learning does go fast, with the most benefit from predictability and a fixed routine. Give a calm environment and a bit more time to switch off.

The active, alert baby. Intense, persistent and quickly overstimulated. Goes from 0 to 100 in one go, and is unpredictable in rhythm. The filter to the world is wider open, so everything comes in harder. See also the alert baby.

These types aren't boxes. Most babies have something of two types, and that's fine. It's about the direction, not the label.

What it means for your approach

So you choose a sleep approach based on who you have at home, not on what worked for another child.

Temperament decides three things: how fast you can go, which comfort techniques are accepted, and how long it takes before you see results.

For the alert baby that means: micro-steps. Change one thing at a time, and only add something once you see improvement. Step in early as well, because once your baby is over the edge, comforting is hardly possible anymore.

There are gentler routes that do work for this type, like the Super Slow Shuffle.

Ten questions to find out

Go through them and within a few minutes you'll have a decent picture:

1. Does your baby struggle with changes?
2. Is your baby sensitive or clingy?
3. Alert, and reacting intensely?
4. Quickly distracted, for example during feeds?
5. Easygoing?
6. Very active?
7. Needing time with new situations or people?
8. Able to concentrate or keep at something well?
9. Reacting strongly to changes?
10. Sensitive to stimulation, like light, sound or your mood?

If you notice at question 4 that distraction comes quickly, feeding in a dark room is often enough already. If change is hard, the answer is simply: slower.

The part nobody mentions

Your own calm. Your baby senses precisely what energy you give off, especially at bedtime. If you're rushed or tense, your baby picks it up and it gets harder for both of you.

Sleeping is a skill, just like crawling or walking. It's learned by practicing, and your calm is what makes room for that.