Your baby feeds more at night than during the day: how do you turn that around?

At the breast or the bottle, your baby pulls away and arches back, and the feed never really finishes. Only part of it goes in, and so it goes, feed after feed: the day doesn't deliver enough.

Why it starts around three months

In the third month, hearing and seeing take big leaps forward. Your baby takes in the world around them much more consciously, and you notice it right away at feeds: letting go, stretching away from you, turning toward every little sound. Drinking is no longer the only thing to experience. Kyra knows it from her own daughter Celeste, who got so distracted that a feed no longer worked and she got too few calories during the day.

A daytime feed then often doesn't finish, because there's so much to hear and see during the day. Your baby feeds poorly, or refuses the breast or bottle completely. At night it's quiet and dark and there's nothing to miss, so then drinking works. Whatever was left during the day gets caught up on then. That's how the night becomes the main meal, simply because the day is too busy. That's called reverse cycling, and it costs you, the parents, your night's sleep. Want to check whether this is happening for you? See whether your baby goes 2.5 hours without a feed during the day without showing hunger.

When the bottle is the problem

Distraction isn't the only cause. When the bottle comes (back) into the picture too, for example because you go back to work, many babies hold off on feeds or refuse the bottle.

Kyra went through that too. Her oldest daughter Sienna wouldn't drink from the bottle while Kyra was working, and barely drank anything all day. What didn't go in during the day, she caught up on at night, and so she was awake more.

What you can try: a different nipple model, a nipple with a different flow rate, or first dipping the nipple in warm breast milk, for recognition.

The action plan: breaking reverse cycling

Four things you do differently during the day.

Make feeding a boring moment. Find a quiet room, dim the light and keep stimulation away, so a daytime feed has as little to experience as a night feed. If you're out, a parked car is a better spot than a busy coffee shop.

Offer before your baby asks. During the day, keep two to three hours between feeds, even if your baby isn't showing hunger. If only a little goes in, that's fine; the point is that more goes in over the whole day.

Keep your baby awake at the feed. Don't let your baby doze off while drinking. A tickle on a foot or hand helps, or moving the bottle a little.

Step in when a nap runs past three hours. If your baby sleeps through a feeding time, wake them gently and offer anyway. A nap that just keeps going costs a feed, and that feed gets caught up on at night.

Shortening isn't the same as skipping. Daytime sleep simply has to happen, and how your baby gets it doesn't matter: in the carrier, rocked in your arms or in the stroller. Daytime sleep is still very much developing, so short naps are part of this month.

Don't expect it to be over after one day either. The focus shifts step by step from the night to the day.

Cluster feeding at the end of the month

Toward the end of the third month, many babies feed more often, especially in the afternoon, because they're gearing up for a growth spurt. That's part of it: keep following the two-to-three-hour rhythm, and read in cluster feeding what else to expect.

When to get help

If your baby keeps holding off on daytime feeds, talk to a lactation consultant or your pediatrician. They specialize in feeding and can look at your situation with personal advice. If your baby keeps refusing the bottle, bring in your doctor or lactation consultant as well.

What you're working toward

Enough feeding during the day is the foundation for a longer stretch of sleep at night. Don't get stuck on a strict schedule or the exact amount of milk: that your baby is content between feeds matters more. If your baby is growing well and their weight fits their age, you're on the right track.

If you then want to really wean night feeds, read how to make night feeds smaller step by step. How much should go in during the day is in how much should my baby drink. If it's mostly distraction during feeds, start there: feeding without distraction.

The conditions for long sleep also include wake windows, and for this month they're more precise in wake window at 3 months. For a longer stretch at the start of the night, a dream feed can help.