When and how do you wean your child off the pacifier?

The pacifier is a great tool, until you're the one putting it back in again and again at night. Then it's no longer a tool but a job.

You don't have to stop yet

Kyra's first message is reassuring: weaning only really becomes necessary around 15 to 18 months. Only around that age do children get more attached to it.

If your baby is younger, there's no need to turn this into a project now. Weaning earlier is sometimes actually easier, but you don't have to.

When the pacifier becomes a problem

The pacifier also does good things: comforting, helping self-regulation get going, and making falling asleep easier. Kyra names four signs that it's becoming a problem anyway:

• your child can no longer fall asleep without the pacifier
• you keep coming back at night to give the pacifier
• the pacifier has become the only way to calm down
• the dentist or speech therapist advises stopping

So the issue isn't the pacifier itself, but who puts it back. If the pacifier falls out and your child wakes up without finding it again, a sleep association has formed, and you're part of it.

That's how Kyra frames the goal too: it's not about less comfort, but about more independence. A sleep association isn't wrong as long as it works for your family. When it stops working, it can change, step by step.

The pacifier and teeth

Long-term pacifier use can affect the teeth. Kyra shows three effects: the open bite, where the front teeth don't meet; the overbite, where the upper teeth stick out further; and crooked teeth. The earlier you wean, the bigger the chance that the baby teeth recover on their own.

Two routes, both fine

Route 1: keep it and help. You keep the pacifier, but teach your child to find it again themselves. A pacifier with a small stuffed animal attached helps, because it's much easier for a baby to grab than a regular pacifier, especially at night. You can place several within reach: grabbing is easier than letting go, so the chance is bigger that your baby gets hold of one. Practice grabbing it back during the day, when your baby is in a good mood.

Route 2: let it go. Weaning goes step by step. You phase out the pacifier and offer other ways to calm down. You don't take it away all at once, but more and more often offer something else in its place. Give a young baby room for what they can do themselves, like discovering their hands and sucking on their fists: learning to self-soothe.

Neither one is wrong. Choose what suits your family.

Before you start weaning

Make a clear sleep plan first, and check whether you're ready for it as a family. Expect some tears, and few in-betweens: the pacifier is in, or it isn't. It can be solved within two to three days. Sometimes it takes three to four nights to get through.

How to wean off the pacifier for sleep: remove and soothe

For young babies, it goes in three steps: let your baby suck on the pacifier until drowsy, then very gently take it out of their mouth, and pat and soothe them to sleep with "shhh".

If your baby is very attached to the pacifier, turn it around: start with 2 minutes of shushing and patting before you give the pacifier, and stretch that time by a few minutes every evening.

Step by step under two years

1. Limit the pacifier during the day. No longer while playing, only for sleep or in exceptional situations.
2. Distract. When your child asks for the pacifier, offer something else: going outside, putting on music, playing together.
3. Introduce an alternative. Link a cuddly toy, a little blanket or another familiar sleep buddy to sleep times.
4. Pacifier only for sleep. First for naps and the night, then wean off completely.

Make it a project together (two years and up)

Announce a few days ahead that you're going to say goodbye, and let your toddler join in: picking out a new cuddly toy, decorating a pacifier box, a pacifier fairy story. Choose a calm period, not just before a vacation or when your child is sick. After that, gone is gone: every pacifier out of the house, even with protest. Staying consistent is crucial here.

How to wean off the pacifier at night: start with the first nap

First wean off only at the very first nap of the day. Leave the nights as they are, and yes, that means still giving the pacifier back at night for now. Eventually you wean it off at night too.

The first days without a pacifier

Expect more protest at bedtime, harder falling asleep, a few tough naps and an extra need for your closeness. Your role: acknowledge the sadness, stay calm and consistent, offer lots of comfort but no pacifier. Keep in mind that most children adjust faster than parents expect.

Comfort without a new dependency

What helps: reassuring with your voice, a warm hand on the back, sitting next to the bed for a while, and the shuffle method. What not to do for weeks on end: rocking fully to sleep, endlessly carrying around the room, or sitting next to the bed for hours until your child is asleep. That becomes a new dependency.

Give comfort, but with pauses in between. And give your child room to develop that new skill: falling asleep independently, without a pacifier.